September 9th, 2006

Current Music: Bob Marley - Waiting in Vain Current Location: roomie moo! Subject: her insidious love Time: 01:04 am Current Mood: calm

she was never made by a stone, even looking over her mourn just give yourself see her with no tears. latest porcelain that kept by distance, and she was one of the stars above. thinking of doing well, and sure she used to tell. she had the feeling, still been longing to confess every single thing. and it was not an ignorance that put over you, cause it was only an insidious love that she has been hiding through. 2006

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August 26th, 2006

Current Music: Iron & Wine - The Trapeze Swinger Current Location: bedroom Subject: virulent blisters Time: 10:21 pm Current Mood: complacent

nothing can be barely tell me, that what we had just kind of misery. soft on spot and hurt all plot. drowned for so many reasons, we had never found. we keep head up, for now we recall. but all the good things are always go away. virulent blisters cracked, me and myself dying in silence without ever been reckoned. 2006

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August 10th, 2006

Current Music: Depapepe - Wake Up Current Location: Cineleisure Subject: empty Time: 11:16 am Current Mood: crappy

you may see that i am empty, but i am full enough to see. you fill me in with your story, your hesitation mystery, your secret valuable memory, your every miracle arogancy... ...which complete me differently, just like a rough land to be walked up on and on. i follow my way lost and found, through the affection and all fathom atom of mine. you may see that i am empty, but i'm full enough to be. 2006 empty afternoon at Cineleisure, Damansara.

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August 3rd, 2006

Current Music: Jeff Buckley - Lover Should Have Come Over Current Location: *your-side imagination* Subject: just fine Time: 12:53 am Current Mood: curious

i feel you here, right in front of me. i feel you are not that far, so i still can notice your latest scar. i feel like i want to touch you, too see how things treat you out there. i feel like i want to be with you, sitting and talking in the dawn, and face the day with eyes closed. time will freeze. you say no word and so do i. smile each other and touch the sky, we nod we greet like we are always even care. together we ride our days. together me and you, in our secret way of living an unfathomable life. with me by your side, with you by my side. all i need to see is you. even it is not the real you that shown in front of me. but as long as it is somehow-you, so i would be just fine. and it would be just... fine. 2006 genting highland's writing.

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July 26th, 2006

Current Music: Coldplay - The Hardest Part Current Location: SS2 Petaling Jaya Subject: orange special Time: 02:16 am Current Mood: exhausted

floating mind, you are not here. recovery, and trying hard to be. this throat is empty. who needs the sweet, who wants that gentle berry? thirsty and psychotic pain cause a little worry, over you and over your heart, lately. ice cubes give a hope, the freshness lets me cope. you are just so special, honeybee, but your citrus betrays me. oh thee, orange special for me, maybe i'm just missing a bit of your taste, badly. 2006 enjoying 'the best orange special in the world' of SS2 with jeen and seng hean, while miss him.

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July 21st, 2006

Current Music: Couple - Say Hi (live performance) Current Location: Laundry Bar, Kuala Lumpur Subject: stuck unanswered Time: 12:15 pm Current Mood: confused

irritating, oh it is so well disturbing. stuck unanswered, intimidated. going to call suicide. acid rain over me, practically undenied. here please read my mind, read over my pain. mean on you, if i were not used to. be real with me. just hide inside me. run no more, end the hurt some more. heck the fact, see how lack. hummiliating yet terrifying. leave me a big clue, so i can come to find you. 2006 lines written right after i received last message from my mate.

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July 20th, 2006

Current Music: Orange Pekoe - Yawara Current Location: fetana's red room Subject: lurk to love you Time: 03:49 pm Current Mood: blank

there are a lot of things hidden behind my joy, the sorrows couldn't be seen while this smile is still here. you can accross the ocean and fall over the ground. you even can fly to the sky and catch your life around. you are playing with hopes, you are playing with minds. once those broken all you can see are failures. fail crumble along your humble... and life ruins, could not even bother. though it is pain and could not be wiped away by rain, but all my feelings go through their means. i couldn't even notice whether i like you or just want to cling into. but someday i will know what those cries try for me to do, understand you just for who you are. now you are about to go, and i could do nothing but hoping. will i ever see you through the galaxy? or you shall not be there? by all the time i need to tell you, that i definitely lurk to love you. 2005 re-written back on 2006.

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July 17th, 2006

Current Music: Marvelous 3 - Cigarettes Lighter Love Song Current Location: didit's room which full of mood Subject: fever Time: 01:49 am Current Mood: distressed

fever, is just starting to touch over you, going instantly in blue and shade everything so true. fever, should we just let it over, or take a look for another grip to stand from fall over? 'cause by the time you are here, conquer all over me, all about thee, and i could do nothing toward you. you come along, suddenly be my sunshine today, and day by day, ways ahead of part of being fever. fever, i may get numb even colder, run away to see further, but doesn't mean heal that i prefer. since by the time you are here, confused all out of me then deceived by me, and i can't easily show love toward you. you are around, suddenly be my sunshine today, and day by day, ways ahead of tired run in fever. 2006 fever. and i thank God for that short time.

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July 16th, 2006

Current Music: Kings of Leon - King of Rodeo Current Location: bedroom Subject: terlalu berbeda Time: 09:10 am Current Mood: crappy

kenapa aku harus mencintai orang yang salah? dia bukan berarti tidak baik, bukan berarti lebih buruk daripada aku. dia hanya, terlalu berbeda. kenapa setelah sekian lama aku berusaha mengobati diriku sendiri, berusaha melupakan apa yang melukaiku sebelumnya, kini aku kembali menyakiti diriku sendiri? aku mencintai dirimu, yang terlalu berbeda. dirimu yang tidak bisa kumengerti dan kutelusuri sepenuhnya. aku berusaha menyelami dunia di balik matamu dengan cintaku, dan yang kudapat hanyalah rasa sakit, karena aku terlalu menerima keberadaanmu. kau bisa jadi terlalu indah. kau bisa jadi terlalu mewah. kau bisa jadi hanyalah apa yang bisa kusebut mimpi, mimpi di alam sadarku. aku mencintaimu yang mungkin tidak mencintaiku. dan aku membuka pintu hatiku lebar-lebar, untuk sekedar mengerti dan memahamimu. diri ini mungkin terlanjur mengalah, tapi perasaan ini juga tidak bisa aku pungkiri. kau sudah sedemikian berarti, dan mengendap di sebagian kecil sisi hati ini. melepaskanmu atau menahanmu adalah hal yang tidak pernah bisa aku putuskan. perasaan ini membuat aku tertawa dan menangis dalam waktu yang bersamaan. aku ingin berlari, dari ketidakpahamanku. aku ingin berhenti, dari ketidakjelasanmu. darimu, hantu dalam hidupku. 2006 (to him, as ghost in my life)

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Current Music: Elfen Lied - Lilium Current Location: one room at one great hotel in genting highland Subject: talk plastic with me Time: 09:01 am Current Mood: impressed

talk please talk please talk plastic, since i know all your words are magic. so please talk and talk and do talk with me, since you know that this solitude will kill me. talk please talk please talk plastic, do your tricks, your wise, and those magics to me. as if our minds, our souls, and our dying serenity, are united and need to be gathered. talk please talk please talk plastic, because myself is in desperately need to talk. talk please talk please talk plastic, talk please talk, talk please talk... ...transparently. so i know you and you know me. 2006 was written in genting highland, dedicated to my morning conversation's mate.

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Current Music: Aqualung - Falling Out of Love Current Location: that cloudy bar Subject: martini blues Time: 08:28 am Current Mood: drunk

here i go, my martini blues. the rhytms of life, the piece of price, the means of bliss, in higher part of conciousness. what do we need to do? what do we need to cope? empty room, loud music, pathetic love, and sad dance over me. i bet with my life, my pitcher never be enough. lots to tell, lots to lie. there will be no me last for my martini blues. three of trusts, three of pasts. here i go, my blue and sorrow. martini blues covered me, wrapped me up and let me ditch my pain. honesty toward you, play around, burn it down. here we go, with my martini blues. high on you, sweet as you. there will be lots of time to enjoy what to be enjoyed. cocktail of life, taste to be coped. here with or without you. rants remind me of the last words of yours, those lovely words. i made a deal, i prefer to get real. here we are, just here we are. down in time, fall and lame with crime. crime i do with you, crime of truth that i want you to know. crime of unallowed feeling. ignorance that you put on me, is the latest gift which complete my blues. here we go, my last martini blues. fly me as the cigars let the ashes go away. that smoke blown away my cloudy face. blue as i thought it was blue, and pain conquered that what i have been reckoning such a complete failure. as last sentence of my love lines to you, covering me and covering you, here and end of my sorrow martini blues. 2006 (written in one bar in the curve, was with my friend vincent beside me enjoying his sweet martini and self-wrapped mentol cigarette at 11 july 2006.)

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Current Music: Aqualung - Left Behind Current Location: bedroom Subject: satu suara Time: 07:53 am Current Mood: thoughtful

ini mungkin tidak akan pernah terjadi dua kali, dalam hidupmu. perasaan ini mungkin hanya akan datang sekali. bahagia ini mungkin tidak akan pernah sama lagi. kita belum tentu bersahabat selamanya, kita belum tentu bisa terus berbagi dan mengerti. kita mungkin tidak pernah saling tahu, atau mengenal lebih jauh. kita mungkin hanya menyatu dalam suara, yang tidak pernah ada untuk didengar. kita mungkin hanya hidup hari ini, mencoba saling memahami untuk terakhir kali, sebelum kita benar-benar pergi. tapi jika boleh diri ini memilih, aku hanya ingin kita tetap bernyanyi dan merasakan sunyi, dimana petikkan gitar itu mampu membekukan waktu, membiarkan kita bahagia dalam dunia, yang kita ciptakan bersama-sama... walau besok kita tidak lagi menjalaninya beriringan dan seirama. 2006 bukit bintang, nice simple memento with jeen, eka, vincent. i thank you guys, for add one best moment more into my life.

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May 19th, 2006

Current Music: Fiona Apple - Across the Universe Current Location: library Subject: stupid memory Time: 03:14 pm Current Mood: contemplative

stupid memory, it's hard to keep you inside, but it is the same hard to let you apart. getting wiser, psychologically intimidated by maturity, then maybe you are better to be part of my history. stupid memory, time will ends and we will be totally out. it is one another between you and me, and we will see how is it going to be. like you will care and i think i will not. stupid memory, what is it to be a remedy? what is it to be such a sad story? stupid memory, are you there coincidently? or was i the creator who lied a bit in hibernate land of beautiful scenery? i did cry. i did laugh. i did remember, like forever. and what i've been through is all i want to hide from you. oh stupid memory, take yourself away from me. so one day i will see, that i'm not really live in you and burn my life until it became this blue. 2006 to my friend, Choong Li Jeen

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May 4th, 2006

Current Music: Photobooth - Death Cab for Cutie Current Location: library, and suddenly u greet me. Subject: jika saja Time: 04:38 pm Current Mood: content

cuma ada kita, jika saja. kau tidak perlu berkata apa-apa, karena aku telah tahu semua. rasamu biru, rasaku juga begitu. kau cukup diam, aku cukup diam. karena senyum yang kita punya saat ini adalah selamanya. 2006 (pour moi avatar rheyn)

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April 3rd, 2006

Current Music: Aqualung - Don't Talk (Put Your Head on My Shoulder) Current Location: heaven Subject: teman, satu anugerah terindahku Time: 08:51 pm Current Mood: ditzy

memiliki teman sepertimu adalah satu anugerah terindah yang telah tersediakan. memiliki teman bercerita tentang apa dan apa, tentang semua rasa dan rasa, seputar kita dan kita, dalam mereka dan mereka, berbaur suka dan suka, bertitian pada duka dan duka, bersenandung sama dan sama, bergurau tentang hidup dan hidup, membalut perih dan perih, melukis mimpi dan mimpi, berkhayal tepi dan tepi, berjalan diatas pilihan dan pilihan, berpelukan dalam tawa dan tawa, bergelayut pada makna dan makna, menggantung pada terang dan terang, bersahutan membentuk nada dan nada, menggambar tentang harap dan harap, mengunci diri dalam lipatan dan lipatan, membalas dalam saran dan saran, menghapus dendam dan dendam, merapihkan kesalahan dan kesalahan, merajut hangat dan hangat, beriringan bergandengan tangan dan tangan, menyatukan langkah kaki dan kaki, menyemayamkan dalam hati kini dan kini, sampai nanti dan nanti. 2004 Untuk kawan baik yang cukup berarti, Hera Kusyuniansari, si fotografer.

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Current Music: Aqualung - Breaking My Heart Again Current Location: mind Subject: tapi tak semua Time: 08:49 pm Current Mood: content

setiap debur menghantam kepekaan dan kebekuan diri. entah begaimana aku mencairkannya supaya berbaur pasang gelombang. setiap raga menjunjung kekosongan nurani. entah bagaimana aku meletakkannya yang jelas ini berat sekali. bahwa hidup sesekali perlu kulangkahi, bahwa mimpi sesekali perlu kurenungi. iringan fajar dan malam yang bergantian, menyepak setiap gurat ombak pantai. menyisir tepian perasaan ini dari hari ke hari. tapi tak semua bisa terkikis habis. derai, riak, menjemukan keeping hati yang kusam. tak bukanlah pernyataan tidak. setiap anggukan, senyum, pun persetujuan mengikat tangan-tangan kita untuk tidak lagi meraba diri sendiri. menghindari diri dari perasaan kekurangan, meski pengukuran kesempurnaan tidak berlari jauh dari kelebihan yang dibekukan. setiap pesona, rona, dan sukma itu bernyanyi untuk kita. tapi tak semua bisa menjadi nada. 2004

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Current Music: Aqualung - Baby Goodbye Current Location: earth Subject: tak pernah kembali Time: 08:47 pm Current Mood: confused

bersamaan dengan waktu, kau berlalu tak pernah kembali. satu satu langkahmu aku tunggu, namun kau tak pernah kembali. kadang keras pikiran ini memaksa aku untuk melupakanmu. tapi nyatanya ingatanku cuma bisa melayang menujumu. satu satu langkahmu aku tunggu, namun kau tak pernah kembali. tapi mungkin akan datang suatu saat dimana kau benar-benar kembali. hanya, akankah? aku bukan cuma menunggu. atau sekedar membuang waktu. aku disini tanpa pernah kau tahu. tanpa satupun yang bisa menggerakkan kaki-kaki jiwamu kemari. seketika aku sadar, bahwa kau tak pernah kembali. san hampa itu terasa. sampai pada keringnya sebuah rasa. 2004

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Current Music: Aqualung - Baby Goodbye Current Location: boredom bedroom Subject: sistem Time: 08:41 pm Current Mood: moody

sewaktu hidup adalah sebuah sistem, maka manusia menjadi elemen penting yang membuat sistem ini berjalan. pelan-pelan, lalu mengubah tatanan yang paling ekstensial. bahwa hidup adalah sebuah susunan. yang menyatukan setiap pandangan dan keinginan. yang menyemukan setiap terang dan membuatnya kelabu demi pengamanan. kadang butuh banyak perintah, untuk sekedar membenarkan apa yang salah. namun sedemikian sistem tersebut ada dan berjalan, maka selama itulah kita akan terpasang dalam sebuah keselarasan. dan kini mungkin yang penting adalah, bagaimana caranya kita bertahan dan tidak menjadi usang. karena waktu tidak berjalan mundur, juga tidak akan menarikmu maju dari belakang. 2005

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Current Music: Lisa Ekhdal - I Will Be Blessed Current Location: boredom bedroom Subject: sementara Time: 08:32 pm Current Mood: full

Sementara kakiku membawa langkah ke utara, palingkan hati menjebak setiap suka yang ada, namamu membentang dimana mencipta suka, hadirkan semua bayang tentang apa yang kau inginkan, sebelum kau pulang. Sementara nafasku berhembus perlahan dan keindahan terasa hanyalah titipan, setiap pilu adalah kepedihan hati tak tertahan pun terceritakan, lalu setiap noda yang berserakan menjadi satu cerita tentang penantian, sebelum kau pulang. Sementara lilin di depanku menari-nari lalu dia menangis dan merekatkan bayangannya, tak terdengar lagi suaramu di alam sanubari makna, mereka terpaut satu sambil memecah kering kala berperang melawan gulita, sebelum kau pulang. Sementara kau membawa aku tahu kau tak mengerti ini semua maksudnya apa, kalau begitu kita sama, namun kubiarkan kau mencela, sebelum kau geram. 2003

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Current Music: Sugar Ray - Someday Current Location: Malaysia Subject: selamat pagi Time: 08:21 pm Current Mood: relieved

Selamat pagi, sapa bumi pada sekumpulan yang bergerak menyambut matahari, juga sekelompok yang terbang dan menari-nari menjemput rejeki, serta segerombol makhluk yang tiada henti memaku harap, dan berbaris menggarap mimpi. Wahai sungguh indah dunia sedari pagi hari, berharap selamanya sinar matahari menemani, dan hanya padam pada saatnya nanti. 2005

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